Thursday, September 27, 2007

Tough days on the job

While my owner’s complain about having to park on the street because the lot is being repaved, they are totally insensitive to my daily grind. They have no idea just how taxing it is to be on high alert for several hours on back-to-back days. The HOA is resurfacing the parking lot, so for several hours yesterday and today, there was a great deal going on, which actually distracted me from my normal guard dog patrol duties. More on that later.

It started early yesterday, perhaps 10AM I was upstairs sleeping in the middle of the bed, since someone left a pillow right there for me to rest on. The bed is excellent, its a Simmons Beauty Rest model with a 6" pillow top, like this one. I find it very comfortable, especially now that its low enough that I can easily hop on or off. So this amazing ruckus begins around 10, I figured it was the landscapers, they come a couple times a year, I bark at them and let them know I am on the job, but for the most part, I can trust them, they know better than to mess with my hizzhouse. We have an understanding. Anyway I get to my forward observation point on the arm of the couch and I peer out the window. I see that the neighbors cat is already up and watching. I hate that cat. I can't see a whole lot, because my house is down a short walkway, but I catch a glimpse of a couple of guys doing something in the parking lot, I can hear them chatting as well as an air compressor or some other kind of power equipment going. This goes on for about 2-3 hours, it was very stressful to have strangers in close proximity doing all sorts of odd things. The Yorkie sisters, Skyler and Layla, must be losing their minds, they are yappy bitches who live across the parking lot and have a direct view of everything going on. Finally after at least 3 hours, the racket that’s going on subsides, so I figure before I go back upstairs for a nap, I should probably give the grounds a once over.

Thats when I discovered it, we had a break in. My dad's favorite Wusthof knife is missing from the knife block. Holy crap, we've had a break-in, my mind is racing, I immediately begin checking the perimeter and I find that the back door is slightly ajar. I immediately starting taking pictures and preserving the crime scene. I go upstairs to my closet and get my finger printing kit. I find several sets of prints, mine, my moms, my dads and one set that I can't quite identify. I upload scans of the print to my crime database, and one match comes back. Its the bitch next door. I knew that bitch was bad news the first time I shacked up with her. Jada is a 3 year old Pug. I have no idea what I saw in that bitch, well actually I do, but I can't really talk about that here. ;) I check out the outside of her place, she has it locked up nice and tight. Not wanting to risk the embarrassment of a failed seek and recover mission, I decide my best move to maintain my position is to replace the knife and act like nothing happened when mom & dad get home. I will deal with that bitch later. After all, the last thing dad says to me every day is, "be a good dog and watch out for the Wusthof and Calphalon, that stuff is expensive".

Anyway, I snag my metro card and head for the metro, its only a couple of blocks away. Fortunately, there is a Williams Sonoma just a couple of blocks from the Clarendon metro. At Williams Sonoma I sampled some Halloween cookies and apple cider. I kept getting some strange looks from the bitchy guy behind the counter, but once he realized I was there to make a purchase, he lightened up. Its always the bitchy queens who give me a hard time. On the other hand, bitches love me. Anyway after filling up on free samples, which have neither calories nor fat, just like crumbs, I went and got the replacement knife. When I reached for my wallet, my heart almost stopped. I had forgotten that I been rolled this morning and dad stole my wallet. Fortunately I always keep a couple of benny's in my front pocket. A little trick I learned from watching Vegas Do's and Don'ts on the Travel Channel. Anyway, back to the metro and home to make sure nobody notices that screwed up and thinks that I wasn't doing my job.

Then today, the same crap starts around 7. Fortunately this time I knew what was going on. As soon as I confirmed that it was the guys re-tarring the parking lot, I decided to chance it and station myself near the back door, where I could still see the front door to make sure nobody tried to pull a fast one. At one point I heard that bitch Jada sniffing around the back door, but I scared her off with my ferocious bark. She was probably coming back from the Calphalon wok, its everyone’s favorite pot for cooking Sum Dum Cat.

I think I will take it easy this afternoon and wait for the owners to come home, its been 2 trying mornings in a row, I need a Cinabone and a beer.

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