Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Its time For A Change

Well, for years, I have had a hard time getting served in restaraunts and hotel type places because I don't have opposable thumbs. Now I have reached the point where I just can't take it anymore and I have to do something about it. I know its drastic, but I think now is the time for me to go and have this revolutionary surgery. The Swedes have always been medical pioneers. I will be participating in an experimental study to help more dogs lead more human lives. I have always felt like a person trapped in a dog's body. Its difficult to get around when you can't grip a key to lock the door. And thats essential in my neighborhood, with all sorts of shady pugs around.

I just need to find a suitable donor. A few years ago, I had a deal in place with an infant from the neighborhood, to swap some teeth for a thumb, unfortunatly she started teething and that killed the deal. The one thing I am worried about, is finding a thumb with nice black fur like my own, but the Fur Club for Puppy Dogs says that its not too hard to grow new fur anyplace, so that shouldn't be too bad.

I'm not too scared, there are current 2 other dogs who who have received thumb transplants and both of them are doing well, opening doors, flipping through the pages of magazines and even participating at the upcoming Olympics in archery. I am not so sure that I want to compete in the Olympics, but it would be nice to get a drivers license or do some other cool stuff. I'd at least be able to thumb a ride to my goumar's house. I am sure there are a zillion other things I can do once I get my thumb transplant. So feel free to post here, what else I can do, once I get my new thumbs.

Monday, February 11, 2008

What should I do next?

Ok peeps, its time for you help. I have been working long and hard lately at coming up with my next venture to make a few bucks. A poo has to live you know. So, I am asking you, my loyal readers to vote in my current poll and help me figure out how to make some big bucks.

The first idea is an old one. I have been kicking the idea around for a while. What I want to do is start WingPuppy.com. The biddiness plan is simple. Get lots of good looking poo’s like myself to help out semi-lame guys pick up smoking’ hot bitches. The plan is simple, I am gonna pimp out my friends for $75 an hour to help guys pick up unsuspecting bitches in their ‘hood. Pro’s: Not a lot of work is needed on my part. Con’s: Even at $75/hour, its going to take some time before the cabbage starts rolling in.

My next idea is to write a best selling book on how to win Dance Dance Revolution for the Wii. I figure everyone who has a Wii will need this book to win the game. I figure knowledge like this will be indispensable to all of man kind. I can sell this book for $29.95. While the margins might be a little low for my typical enterprises, I think I can make up the difference in sheer volume. I was thinking for calling the book “Winning DDR: As Easy as 1-2-3-4”. Pro’s: After significant amount of up front time that is needed to get the book to the editor and publisher, I can just sit back and wait for the royalties to come tumbling on in. Con’s: It might be difficult for people to implement for 4-legged strategies, which would depress sales.

My last idea involves growing my current business enterprise. I could start franchising my security biddiness. I could start small, locally, by recruiting other less intelligent neighborhood watch dogs who don’t even know that what they do instinctively can be turned into a money making venture. I could even get them to purchase my own home security kit. I have to figure some day I could even have my own infomercials, like that clown John Basedow. Pro’s: Not a whole lot of work, other than filming the infomercial. Con’s: I might end up on AmIAnnoying.com like John Basedow.

Of course I could just stay small and continue sponging off my parents.