Friday, December 14, 2007

The Great White Loofa Hunter

Ok, so I haven't posted in a while. I know bitches everywhere are wondering where I have been. Worry not, dear friends, no ills have befallen me, I was simply on vacation. This year's Hanukkah gift was a Loofa hunting expedition in deep, dark, south Arlington. I must admit, I was a bit perturbed when I found out that my parental units went off the list and got me something that I hadn't asked for or even talked about. However, I will admit, I was quite tickled at this gift. It showed me how much my parents loved me and understood me. I love hunting Loofa. Loofas come in all sizes and colors. Some even come as stretchy toys. You really have to love Loofa. What other single toy is going to provide me with squeeky end, a crunchy middle and a quacking back end. They really are the best out there.

We caught several Loofas on this expedition. I have to say that I have never had this level of success in hunting Loofa. We caught several medium sized Loofas, like the picture above, a few small Loofa that we had to let go and even one rare blue, giant Loofa. The rarest of all known Loofa. It took me several hours to corner the giant blue Loofa and subdue him. It was really quite an amazing experience to hunt Loofa in the wild. Its one thing to go to Pet Smart and stalk them on aisle 5 next to the wee-wee pads, but quite another to be prowling the wilds of Arlington VA with Juan Valdez and his trusty goat Pablo. The Loofas are native to south Arlington, although in recent ears they have become migratory, like coconuts.

The accommodations were first class, to say the least, I was picked up in a super stretch Escalade limo and taken to The Ritz in Pentagon City. The room was very nice and the club level amenities were not to be passed upon. They actually put out 5 spreads of food daily, including a very nice presentation of Solid Gold brand dog biscuits. Every night they put out a selection of local micro brew beers, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Gordon Biersch, Capitol City Brewery, Old Dominion Brewery, etc. I really liked the Old Dominion Oak Barrel Stout. It was really nice to get some scrambled eggs for breakfast and then hustle out on safari to bag some Loofa and then come back to my room for a bottomless plate of Cinna-bones before filling up on beer. It’s a dog's life. Unfortunately I do not have much vacation left to use up this year, I might take a long weekend to my country home in the mountains of Maryland, but other than that, I am going to have to accrue some vacation, and work my dog butt off to make sure that there are no shenanigans coming from the other side of the fence where Jada and her skeezer friends hang out plotting to steal my stash of Sum Dum Cat.

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