I was recently asked to compete on the Food Networks Iron Chef in Battle Dog Food. Considering how well fed I am, I was anxious to accept the invitation. I knew that I would do well against any of the chefs, although I thought that Morimoto would be a tough challenge since he is so experienced with fish and thus probably pretty good at cat food, so I decided that I would challenge Iron Chef Bobby Flay. There isn’t much to beating Cat Cora and Chris Symon’s laugh is a little annoying, so it was a pretty easy choice, especially since I wasn’t sure if Morimoto would understand me when I walking shit across the kitchen.
Battle Dog Food left me with a lot of interesting options. I decided to open with a little amuse bouche where I softened some cheddar cheese over a toasted Dragon’s Tooth. Flay answered with a pureed roasted poblano pepper over steamed milk bones. I thought it was the stereotypical Bobby Flay dish and not all that creative on his part.
For the second course I made some freeze dried kobe beef that I dusted with bleu cheese crumbles and some fresh sweet potato frites. It was my take on steak fromage. Iron Chef Flay countered with a braised cow tail, which was a total rip off of Merricks Texas Toothpicks that he served with an Aji pepper mayo sauce.
The third course is where I think I really kicked Flay’s ass. I served some leg of lamb crusted in crushed Dynabones over a mash of creamed kibble. While Flay countered with a braised bully stick with a Serrano pepper marinate. Uncreative and really, who wants to eat cow dick? Even the man who ate everything, Jeffrey Steingarten, balked.
For the fourth course I served a simple, medium rare roasted, organic postman with a nice light beef jus and lemon grass steamed broccoli. Mo Rocca loved the postman. I don’t even know what Bobby Flay was thinking when he decided to make baked Greenies in a chocolate mole. Greenies aren’t that healthy for dogs and no dog should eat chocolate. He should have used carob. Ted Allen killed him for that.
The last course was dessert. I decided to stick with something a little more conservative. I made a Frosty Paws brûlée with a caramelized Cinnabone garnish, while Flay made a French vanilla ice cream infused with lamb patty with a Beggin Strip for dipping. He was totally playing to Stiengarten who will eat anything that even looks like bacon.
I feel pretty good about the challenge, but I will not know who won until the show airs. I think that I really kicked Bobby Flay's ass for taste and originality, but I know I didn't do well at plating. How in the hell am I supposed to compte with a guy who has opposable thumbs? Anyway, let me know how you think things went by voting in my current poll.