My Pet Peeves

Ironic that a dog has pet peeves, no?

1. Blaming your farts on me..... not funny... not funny at all Dad!
2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway? If I want to sniff every blade of grass that my perogative. I wonder what Bobby Brown would say.
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it! Actually having to work for treats in general is annoying.
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home. Actually any haircut or bath with blow drying is a major pain in the ass
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo hoooooooo what a proud moment for someone with opposable thumbs.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back Mom!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet. Again, we're going back the opposable thumbs thing.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.